February 2012
55 posts
Hey guys!
I’m bringing the complete series of “The Office” (the original, and superior version) to Florida. We should ingest things and laugh while watching it. Like that part in which David Brent is accidentally drops his phone in the trash after joking about throwing it out the window. Or that part in which David is meeting a blind date at the bar, and it’s an overweight woman, and...
Feeling this
“I’ll never be your beast of burden
So let’s go home and draw the curtains
Music on the radio
Come on, baby, make sweet love to me”
In my dream last night, I was riding a bike on the road with cars, listening to James Blake’s cover of “Limit to Your Love”.
Brutalism.
My stomach is in knots and I’m extremely lethargic. My poops have been very watery today. Dragon King’s Daughter…YOU!!!!! My farts are also smelling foul (to others, but I like my farts).
On the positive side, I ordered some PB2 online. Now I can indulge in my peanut butter obsession/fetish relatively guilt-free.
When I get to my dad’s tomorrow, I’m digging out my...
Power
I thought I would only be able to bench 200lbs for one rep, but I managed to pump out 4. My next chest day, I’m going to find out my one rep max for the bench press. I’m thinking maybe 240lbs. We’ll see. But still, I was surprised. I punched myself in the face a few times before I tried to enter a state of “heightened arousal”. I put in work.
MONTH
I’m not drinking alcohol until my hedonistic Spring Break trip to Florida. Not. One. Sip. I know I drink maybe three times a month, but still. Discipline.
titcakes:
pornforblind:
when you wake up. when you go to school. when you come home. this feeling never leaves you. going through the streets you can think only about how to die. but you can’t. you want a war, an accident, whatever could kill you. but nothing happens. and this oppressive sadness makes you mad. and you understand you have no choice but to live.
One of those days
This...
I feel completely unrepentant about the loveliness I’m feeling. Last night, I enjoyed a cocktail of melatonin and Sleepy Tea, which led my sore body to an evening of sleep that didn’t have to be initiated through shameful ritual. I also made an appointment with a counselor at school, which provided a huge sense of relief just at the prospect of it. I feel unburdened and progressive....
9 tags
“The girl and I sat down next to some faded, worm-eaten irises. I could not...”
– “The Temple of the Golden Pavilion” by Yukio Mishima
I am completely obsessed with certain things. This is not a flaw or a positive personality trait. My obsessions, even the ones that come and go, are simultaneously my true self and my mask. They permeate every aspect of my being, like blood filling a grail, overflowing, staining the marble floor of my secret dungeon, then traveling down the stairs to the foyer to greet the visitors at the door.
My third week of being a gym member is almost at its end. I have put in 1 1/2 hours of weight lifting per day, six days a week, working each muscle group twice per week. A part of me is always sore. It is a glorious feeling. I’ve put on maybe 2 pounds of muscle. Bodybuilders call this single-minded dedication to iron “the disease”. I have the disease.
Perfect purity is possible if you turn your life into a line of poetry written with a splash of blood.
Love's arrow in the neck
I am working on a little thing of creativity for my girl for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes it!
I am waiting impatiently for Florida to LOVE ME SOMETHING AWFUL.
“Gazing at you, gazing at you. You’re perfect like a statue, but more fine...”
Tonight, tonight
“The Hitting Time”.
“I want to engage in evil every day.”
– Patrice O’Neal
Not to brag, but...
…I have good taste.
“The moment when a kiss ends - it was like awakening reluctantly from sleep,...”
– Yukio Mishima, from Spring Snow (via queenmabsconspirator
)
My chest, my chest
Even though I didn’t find anything to do tonight, I feel great. My little bird chest is starting to get some mass, as are my arms and shoulders. I can see it now. Time to go to Walmart to get some blank CDs and protein bars while listening to Patrice Oneal’s posthumously released album “Mr. P”. I feel strong and capable.
Poopie
I’m bored and have nothing to do tonight. I don’t want to sit home and binge eat. I’m looking at the menu for Shiraz, because Deebers and I are eating there on Saturday before we watch Boardwalk Empire and stuff. “STUFF”.
TEN YEARS DEEP, I BURIED YOU!
Lately, it seems as if my brain is reloading; old memories are coming back to the consciousness of the present and providing insight to my current self. Questions constantly arise and wrestle with each other. Do certain memories explain my adult psyche, or do my personality and idiosyncrasies preclude said memories? The whole nature vs. nurture problem. I smirk at the idea that I am who I am due...
No more weed or alcohol for at least a week. I’ve indulged moderately but frequently in both for the past few days and I am paying for it in the gym. I feel sluggish, weak, and fatigued. I’ll save the decadence for spring break.
